S P I R I T U A L A W A K E N I N G
Have you ever felt like a piece of shit or the feeling like you are in the box and never getting out? Nothing in your life seems to change for better? Have a feeling everything is off and zero? Feeling depressed, stressed, worried, lack of sleep, negative thoughts and etc. This is how I have felt on and off almost two years now and all this is caused by s p i r i t u a l a w a k e n i n g.
NB! Writing only from my perspective and obviously I'm not a doctor, it's just my experience.
I didn't know anything about it but luckily we have a Google in these times :D. The dark night of the soul was the most hardest. I read that people go to therapist and want to get help with it because they think it's depression but it isn't, although the symptoms I googled was the same. While actually it is in your soul not in your head (but yes, dark and bad thoughts pop in your head when you feel shitty). I told this only to my closest friends, two of them undrestood me because they are also awakened but some others did not. I was lucky enough because due to my friends I knew I wasn't going crazy but also I was sad 'cos my mother didn't undrestand me at all and recommended to go to a therapist.. well no thank you.
I wish from the bottom of my heart that if you, who reads this and has the same thing as something new then you have someone to talk to :)
So how did it started, how did I feel and coped? I lost my job and because of that in the same day I started to "see" or "notice" angel numbers. When the clock turned for example 19:19; 11:11; 15:15; 15:55; 20:11; 20:20; 21:11; 22:11; 22:22, my eyes were stuck on the time and my thoughts stoped. Also car license plates 111-999. They even haunted me! In some period it was quiet and I forget them but then boooom! just waking up in the middle of the night and the clock says 4:44. I seriously felt like I was waked up. Or experiencing synchronicity: sat into my car, I thought in my head does something good can ever happen to me? Radio after that: yes it can. And for now I do believe in angels, because I have heard disembodied voice two times and literally I was in shock! What the fuck was that!?!?! They exist but we can't see them in our material world. I know what you may think, this girl is crazy and I even had this feeling because our subconcious is a powerful thing and horror movies can create good fantasies but as a person I'm Taurus girl with two feet on the ground and I only believe in something (supernatural) when I experience. For now, I am used with those numbers but sometimes it is still annoying when they hit me allldayyevvvrday and are like stalkers but can not turn off or block :D I felt myself like "burning" inside and wanted to burn to ashes and rise again like phoenix, as a brand new person, a new life. Also felt like identity crisis, wanted to go to the forest and scream but instead cried a lot; felt hopeless, lost in life (who am I, what's my purpose in life, my higher self, why I have so many roadblocks) and loneliness. Even when I was in the company I felt like stranger there, like I don't belong anywhere. I am part of my family but in this topic I felt like an alien :D. During the hardest times of that "thing", I did not take any medical pills or other self-destructive alternatives, instead I received very good advice from two of my friends, so if you read this and I think you do, you recognize yourself and I want you to know I'm very grateful ❤
For now, it has got much better and I think this process has changed me somehow, I'm the same person I was but totally different now. The reason why this process has been so hard for me, is that actually I am not a patient person and I would like to get everything right away. I need positive and big changes in my life but as my friend told me, big and great changes take time. I'm even craving for them! Felt like something wants to get out of me and I want a new chapter. I even don't know why I want them, everything is fine but something in me sayd I just can't live the way as I did previously.. and I know it all sounds super deep, but the reality is that I haven't been as smiling as it seemed.
I've always read about topics like depression, anxiety or spiritual awakening from other people's books, Instagram posts, articles or surprise surprise! I hear the song lyrics. I admire and have a big respect for those people who are brave enough to tell their stories and make other people feel better and think "wow, I'm not the only one". I don't like to seem weak and especially talk about my going troughs, so I have a hard time expressing myself by writing about it here but maybe I can help someone.. never know :)
So couple of days back I felt right thing to do was to put all these emotions and feelings into my photos. I love to be creative, I need to be creative! This helps me get my thoughts elsewhere (cope), heal and whats the most important: gives me always good feeling and makes me happy, otherwise I wouldn't even have this blog. As my mother once said: it is something for my soul.
Photo ideas (also outfit + candles/roses), "make up" and edit by me.
Symbols on my chest:
Heart - doing only what makes me happy
Crown - from tarot that represents a powerful woman
The Star - tarot card that represents talent, faith and hope
